I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
