Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
