You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
