Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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