6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
