I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
