Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
