I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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