ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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