I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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