so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
a search helicopter?!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
