When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
