thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
