Me too!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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