He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
