I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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