ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
