There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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