The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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