Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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