i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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