Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I have post one night stand depression
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
