I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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