i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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