watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think your dad took our porno
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
