Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
