your parents love me but you hate me
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
