So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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