why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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