Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
