This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
