if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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