Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
