Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
