does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
