i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
