you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
