I swear she didn't look like that last week.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
