Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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