I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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