is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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