I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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