xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
