why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
