was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
