Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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