omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
