i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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