I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
