Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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